I hate your face
I wish I only lived at night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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