I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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