haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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