I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
