the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
