Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
