drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am one with the molecules
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
