You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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