the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
