I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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