could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is wine microwaveable?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
