your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
