I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
