Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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