the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
