Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
People in love make me want to vomit
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
