I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
