it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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