my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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