There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
