I cannot find my penis.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
