We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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