Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips