I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime