he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.