Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool