I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
