My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
