Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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