Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i think im in europe. pls send help
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
