you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
