i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Little spoons don't ask big questions
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
