So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
