I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
