keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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