and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
