You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
