I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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