so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
