The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
