Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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