did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Welp...herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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