You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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