Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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