Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
