I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
