If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
