It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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