So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
