Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize