im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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