I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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