Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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