I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize