i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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