They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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