Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
