you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
