Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
