dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
