This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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