My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
