I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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