dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
