Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
