So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
