i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
