how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
