Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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