i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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