She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
