so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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