when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
