You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
