He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
