If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
