She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
