right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
