Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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