If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
