that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
