We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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