apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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