what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
