Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
