I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
