Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
