I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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